The Top Three Most Embarrassing Points in My Life So Far

Ok, if the word 'fart' offends you please read no further...

1. Yes, you can see where this is headed I am sure. Picture me as a teenager, a large Sunday School room, metal chairs arranged in a circle for serious Bible study, and a girl who got the giggles. Unfortunately, I had also eaten something that hadn't agreed with me. Add that to the helpless giggles that only a 14 year old can succumb to, and you get a very loud noise, that to this day, makes me blush.

2. More teenage angst. Summer camp, a tight dress with a zip down the front. Bench seats that had to be straddled... Ok, I'll give you more on this one.

It was the final night of camp. It was a special dinner night, and most of us had paired up with a member of the opposite sex. I was with Donny. I nice guy who was real sweet. When it was our tables turn to line up for dinner, we headed for the trays and filled them up with the usual camp fare. We returned to our seats and as I raised my leg to straddle the bench and sit down, the zip on my very fashionable denim dress decided to break.

Since the zip traveled from the collar to the hem, quite a lot was revealed. Poor Donny looked up at that moment, let out a gasp and quickly looked away, as all gentlemen should do! Luckily I was close to the kitchen, so I hobbled off through the back of the hall, clasping my dress and then ran to my cabin to change. A very memorable moment indeed.

3. Ok, I figured we all have those teenage angst moments, so I've decided to share NO. 3 which is a rather recent experience.

I was staying at my mother's house last month. Now, one thing I like to do regularly is get my leg hair waxed off, along with other bits and pieces, that I will not divulge at this time. I was due for a wax job while I was there and asked my mother if she knew where I could go to get the job done. (stunned silence) "Why would you want to have that done?" Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So, I took it upon myself to look this service up in the phone book. I called several places that advertised 'waxing' only to find out that they only did facial hair. (Thank goodness I don't need that!) Anyway, a few minutes later, my mom's friend arrives, so my mom asks her where I can go. Her friend (who knows exactly who she is) dissolves into a fit of giggles. They then ring, another gal on the phone, again... more giggles and finally a few phone numbers are produced.

My dad also was in the room, throwing in various cheeky comments. Then they all found out that my man was travelling up to see me a day early... and then the giggles and the commentary started up again.

Oh dear... well, it is my body, my hair and I don't see what is so funny about getting it waxed. I think perhaps the whole bloody town knows about it now anyway. You would think the old biddies would be a little more mature and worldly by now. ;)

I Went Snowshoeing and Bigfoot Grabbed Me

You know how it is... You are having a lovely day, tromping through untouched snow with your snowshoes on, when all the sudden a giant monkey-like figure reaches out and grabs you! Yes indeed, I was very lucky to escape with my clothes on!

My man (well part monkey actually, who stands at 6'8") took me on a wonderful snowshoeing excursion on my recent trip to Bend, Oregon. He claims to be Bigfoot, but no one will ever really know.

Neither of us had ever done snowshoeing before, so after strapping on the rather large shoes (his much bigger than mine), we headed into what can only be described as a winter wonderland.

At first it was all down hill. The cloud cover kept the temperatue from dipping too low, and the exercise warmed us from within. About 30 minutes into the hike, snowflakes began to drift down like angel kisses. As we walked on, larger flakes floated down to greet us, making the snowy scene surrounding us more beautiful.

I had this overwhelming desire to take the moment and put it in a bottle and hold on to it forever. Snow is as foreign to my neck of the woods as lizards are to your bathroom (see previous post).

We were working our way to a 'promised' shelter and finally made it after a good hour of hiking (uphill for the last 10 minutes). After warming up in front of a wood stove and having a few snacks, we headed back.

The sun came out as we concluded what turned out to be a 5 mile treck. It was just on the ebb of setting and as we took our final steps in the snow; a pink tinge formed on the clouds. The perfect end to my day with bigfoot. :)

Lizard Karma

I don't know if you believe in karma... the golden rule... murphy's law, WHATEVER! But I have a lizard tale to tell.

I recently split up with my husband and moved into my own apartment. As I've written before, as a single woman I've had to deal with an array of cockroaches, spiders, and other bugs on my own. No point in screaming and jumping up on furniture if no one is there to 'rescue' you and take care of the assorted vermin.

Now, I don't claim to be anything less than a complete sissy when it comes to these issues, but I get on with it anyway.

However, everyone has their limits, and mine were reached last week when I opened my bathroom door and found a rather large lizard sitting in my tub. To use my daugher's phrase, "I freaked out!" I called the afore mentioned ex, and was told to deal with it and that I was lucky it wasn't a centipede. Fortunately, in this town there is a lizard and snake catcher, so the problem was taken care of quite quickly. Whew...

Well, not exactly the end of the story... Still feeling a little on edge, I entered the bathroom two mornings later, bleary eyed and ready for a shower, I stifled a scream when I saw a disgusting centipede crawling up my shower. It was about 8 inches long and as thick as my thumb. Uggghhhh... I even called the lizard catcher... who prompty told me to just sweep it up with a dust pan and brush. Yeah Right! Well luckily, my ex came and took care of the horrible creature.

Two days later... I walked in, now incredibly wary... and found a huntsman spider on the ceiling of the bathroom.

I don't know about you... but I feel as if these creatures were trying to tell me something....

MOVE!